


heaven’s gate

by gender_idontknowher



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Lance (Voltron) Angst, M/M, Pining Lance (Voltron), Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-11 02:15:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15962531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gender_idontknowher/pseuds/gender_idontknowher
Summary: this is just a little angst drabble for y’all. The first part of it is based on my actual life and i really just needed an outlet. also, i know i haven’t updated my taste in music is your face and i’m really sorry, this is the only thing i could write.





	heaven’s gate

Lance flopped onto his bed, his heart pounding. Images flashed through his head, his family and friends looking away from him and ignoring him. How did this all happen? When he was little, everyone always praised him, for something as small as picking up his toys. His brothers and sisters started having kids from the time he was 3. He was smart, ahead of his age group in everything, cute and happy all the time. He always tried to make people happy. He was a light to so many people. He had no problems all through elementary school. He tested a grade above his age for fifth grade and entered fifth grade at age 9. Then it was sixth grade. He was always angry, always scared, and always felt inferior. He couldn’t do his homework, couldn’t focus, couldn’t control his tongue. His mom stopped dancing around the kitchen with him and started yelling at him. His dad never hit him, not like his mom did. He just agreed with his mom and watched from afar. He started working more and more, home even less than before. 

But with his mom, any little thing would set her off. He would forget his homework at home and she would hit and kick him until he was just curled up on the floor, motionless and numb. He started medicine for ADHD, but that brought its own problems. He ate less, exercised more, and was more anxious. He threw up all the time and started to feel depressed. In seventh grade, a high school girl shoved her hands down his pants and pinned him to the floor. He didn’t want it, but how could he tell anyone. Nobody would believe him. Boys didn’t cry. Boys didn’t get raped. 

 

He cried at least once a day, his mom always yelled about it, then she would smack him around a bit and then tell him to go to his room. She hated all his friends, always told him they weren’t good friends and would leave him eventually. The only person on his side was his older brother, Marcus. He was in the army, and was everything that Lance wanted to be. Strong, independent, strong, and didn’t take shit from anyone. So Lance changed himself. He started to close himself off more, showed less emotion, and talked less. That was at age 13. He was tired of people laughing at him, boys opening up the locker room doors and laughing at his body and taking pictures and spreading them around the school. He started self harming, the pain better than the emptiness, anything better than the empty feeling inside his heart. He realized he was bisexual in 7th grade, having been raised with homophobic parents, he knew he could never tell them. He felt guilty, since from the time he was very little, he had heard his family talk about his gay cousin, who they never talked to anymore, mostly because he came to christmas dinner with a boyfriend. Lance remembered how happy he had seemed before the family told him to leave, to not set a bad example for the kids. 

 

He had always loved space, so when he had applied to the galaxy garrison, and got accepted, he realized he could really get away to a positive environment. He had met Hunk, and Keith. God, Keith lit his life up. He always hurt him, cold glares and harsh words dominating their conversations, wrapping around his heart like a vice. Keith was talented, smart, and everything Lance wanted to be. But he could never be Keith. Keith would never like him, not with his cold eyes and hatred for Lance.

 

He rubbed his eyes, tears coming back. He shook with the power of his sobs, feeling the familiar pressure in his skull. He picked up his razor blade, shaking gently. He made deep slices on his thighs, right above where his shorts covered. He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t. He sobbed harder, ready to make one more slice and end it all. His hand hovered above his thigh, when the door slammed open. 

 

Hunk walked in, completely unaware of what Lance was doing at first. “Yeah, Keith you can come in.” Hunk’s eyes finally landed on Lance, his mouth dropping open. Lance started, dropping the razor blade, feeling ashamed of himself. Hunk turned to the door, where Keith was standing shocked. “Keith, go get a first aid kit.  NOW!” Keith stared at Lance a second more, then sprinted away. 

 

Lance’s head was starting to feel light, his eyes struggling to stay open. 

 

“Hey Lance, buddy stay with me, don’t close your eyes!” Hunk’s voice cracked, sounded desperate, tears slipping out of his eyes. 

 

Lance smiled gently, feeling the blood pouring out of his leg. He knew he hadn’t hit any important arteries, but he was still losing a lot of blood. “Maybe i’ll die. It’ll be easier for everyone.” He chuckled slightly, crying more. 

 

Keith burst through the door, slamming it behind him. Hunk grabbed the first aid kid from him, directing him to sit behind Lance and try to keep him conscious. Keith sat behind Lance on the bunk, pulling his torso to his body. Despite the situation, Lance felt happy. “If I die here, i’ll be happy.” 

 

Keith looked down at him, seeing the usually fiery boy reduced to a sobbing mess while Hunk sewed up his cuts. “Why would you be happy?” 

 

Lance giggled, the blood he had lost making him delirious. “Because you’re here. It’s okay because you’re here.” Lance’s face melted into a frown, his bottom lip trembling. “Keith, why do you hate me? What did I do?” 

 

“I… I don’t hate you, Lance. I really don’t. Never have.” Keith held the small boy tighter, heart breaking at how the beautiful boy in his arms thought he hated him. 

 

Hunk sighed, wiping the blood from Lance’s leg. “Okay, I cleaned them, and stitched them up. Lance, how long have you been doing this?” 

 

Keith snuck a look at the cuts and was shocked to see dozens of pink scars near them. “Lance, how could you do this to yourself? You deserve better.” His eyes filled with tears, and he pulled Lance into his lap. “You do realise we have to tell someone, right?” 

 

Lance’s blood ran cold. “No, no, no, no, you can’t do that.” The thought of his parents finding out scared him more than he could admit. 

 

“Why? I’m sure that your parents would get you help.” Hunk’s words were meant to be understanding and kind, but instead they just made him curl in on himself more.

 

“They… they can’t know. They would  _ kill _ me.” Lance shakes, thinking of how bad his mom beat him when he said he was depressed. 

 

“I’m sure they would never hurt you.” 

 

Lance scoffed at that, crying impossibly harder. “You… you don’t know them. My mom would beat me until I bled. She would break my bones. She’s done it before, so why wouldn’t she do it again?”

 

Hunk and Keith both froze, barely believing their ears. “Your mom hurt you?” They couldn’t believe it. Lance had always seemed like he loved his family. 

 

“Just forget it. I don’t want to keep talking about this. ‘m tired.” He weakly pushed at Keith’s chest, obviously upset.

 

Keith didn’t let him go however, instead choosing to get off the bunk and tuck Lance into the bed. “I’m going to get you some water and snacks, okay? You lost a lot of blood.” He turned and left the room. 

 

Lance curled up under the sheets, whimpering when he felt the movement pull at the stitches. 

 

Hunk sighed, picking up the razor, wrapping it in some tissues, and throwing it in the trash can. “Lance, I want what’s best for you. If you want to pursue legal action against your mom, I would help you with that. I know some good lawyers, we could-“

 

“Hunk, as much as I appreciate it, it wouldn’t work that well. I was adopted, I wouldn’t be able to get out easily if at all. I would get put in the custody of either a family member or sent to someone who wouldn’t care for me at all, just wanting me for the monthly check. It wouldn’t work in my favor.” Tears slipped out of his eyes, and he sighed. “It just… the consequences would be worse than the possible good outcome is worth. Plus i’m not there anymore. It’s fine. I’m fine.” 

 

Hunk knew he wasn’t, but he didn’t want to force him to do anything. “If it makes you feel better, I don’t think that would be happen. Plus, i’m pretty sure that you can just stay with a friend during the legal process. I can also-“

 

“Hunk I said it’s fine. Please drop it. Please.” Lance cried silently, his chest aching.

 

Hunk nodded. “Okay, Lance. But the moment you want to do something against her, come to me. I’ll help you. I promise.” 

 

The door opened and Keith walked in. “Here, Lance. Drink this.” He held a bottle up to Lance’s lips, and Lance obeyed. “Good job. Keep drinking that, slowly.” 

 

Lance nodded, and held the bottle himself. 

 

Keith sat on the bed, looking at Hunk. “Hey Hunk, do you wanna maybe go room with Pidge tonight? I think he’d like he company…” 

 

Hunk raised his eyebrows, and nodded. “Yeah sure. Take care of him.” he left, one more look at them from over his shoulder.

 

Lance whimpered, the bottle slipping out of his hand. Keith caught it and set it on the floor by the bed. Lance made grabby hands towards him, and Keith could do nothing but oblige and hold him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you all enjoyed! leave a comment or kudos if you want!! <3 <3


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